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Why Ranking Your Site Costs 100’s If Not 1000’s of $$$

If it was easy and cheap to rank on page 1 of Google, everybody would be on page 1.

Don’t be an idiot and believe those fucking spammers who tell you that they can give you “guaranteed” rankings. They’re full of shit and you deserve to get fucked if you believe their bullshit.

Unless your keyword is absolutely worthless or you’re looking to rank your own brand name (stupid thing to do unless you’re famous), SEO takes a long time and it’s very expensive.

A person who can rank any keyword will not be pimping his services to you by spamming your email, selling gigs for 5 dollars on Fiverr or posting in Facebook groups. He’ll be making millions.

Think about it for a second.

If you’ve done your keyword research right, expect to spend $300-400 each month for at least 3-4 months to rank your keywords for the long term*.

Regardless of what anyone says, it can’t be done faster than this without compromising the safety of your website.

*This doesn’t apply to short-term projects that are not intended to rank for very long or CPA sites that can be ranked for under 100 bucks.

If you don’t have the money, the only way to do SEO for cheap is to do everything yourself.

Here’s what you need to know:

How much does it cost?

Most of you are cheap fucks so I’m sure this is most important to you. Unfortunately, there’s no definitive answer to your stupid question. No two sites are the same. No two keywords are the same. “SEO Packages” are bullshit. There’s no one size fits all solution to rank your website. What may work for one website may not work for another one.

The most important factor, however, is the difficulty of your keyword. If you’re trying to rank for a keyword that has low competition (NOT the AdSense competition like some imbiclies think), then it’s much cheaper to rank. If you’re trying to rank for porn, you’re fucked. You’ll probably have to sell your house and most of your organs to rank for that.

Here’s a rough estimate to give you an idea about costs. If you outsource all the link building, you can expect to spend approximately $300 a month for at least 3-4 months to be on page 1. This is assuming that your keyword is easy to rank. You’ll have to buy diversity, PBN posts, Press releases etc.

If you’re doing everything yourself, then the costs depend on how much you value your time. Even if you only do only outreach for guest posts and shit like that, you’ll still spend a lot of time getting links. Outreach is time-consuming and thereby expensive. Even for guest posting, you’ll need to buy content (if you’re not writing it yourself) and a decent piece of content will cost you at least 15 bucks. So you can do the math.

How long does it take?

It takes really really long. 3-4 months minimum. If you want instant results, use Facebook advertising or Adwords. PPC is for instant results. SEO is for stable, long-term results.

How long it takes once again depends on the keyword competition. I’ve had low competition CPA keywords on Page 2 in 3 days as soon as the site was indexed. There are some keywords that never even got indexed without building links. So once again, everything depends on this.

If you have competitive keywords, it’ll take around 6-8 months. Don’t believe what the fucking spammers tell you. They’re a bunch of assholes who have never ranked shit.

Someone told me that they can get me on page 1 quickly, guaranteed and for cheap. Is it possible?

You’re clearly intellectually deficient because you haven’t understood any fucking thing I’ve said. NO. It’s not possible. It takes time and money to rank a website. If it was easy and cheap, everybody would be on Page 1. Do you really think that people can’t afford to spend a couple of hundred bucks to be on page 1 of Google?

This is the guy who told you that shit:

You’re clearly cheap. DO NOT believe this motherfucker. You’ll lose whatever little you have with whatever shit he does. Ask that asshole why he isn’t ranking his own sites and making millions of dollars and selling his bullshit service to you for the price of a cup of coffee.

Pro Tip

If someone is pimping his services to you by spamming your email or responding on your lame ass Facebook post, he can’t rank your website. Why would someone who can actually rank a website spam people or spend all day of Facebook pimping his service? Someone who knows SEO can get clients to come to him instead of begging and spamming everyone.

The Good Life | Travel Motivation Video 2016

Why You Should Never Pay More Than $6 For A Logo

Regardless of what anyone tells you, your logo is one of the most irrelevant parts of your business.

The stuff about your logo being what you represent and reflecting your core values is a bunch of horse shit. A logo is a just a logo. Nobody gives a shit about your logo.

People are only interested in your products/services and don’t give a rats ass about what your logo is communicating to them.

Disclaimer: I tend to ramble on about things that are totally unrelated to the point I’m trying to make. If you don’t like it, the back button is on the top left.

Background Story

So I’m part of a bunch of Indian startup groups on Facebook. I use the term startup very lightly. These days, it’s considered very trendy to call yourself a startup. Most of the people on these groups are just a bunch of losers. They’re enabled and empowered by a bunch of spammers who sell everything from soap to SEO.

They read that Uber got 200 mil in funding, they get a mini orgasm, think it’s so easy to replicate and then post on the group that they want an app like Uber, and they can spend up to 5K (Indian Rupees. Yes you read that right. Indian Rupees).

They’re then trolled by hundreds of “developers” who clearly have nothing to develop since they spend all day commenting on random shit on Facebook. I’m still trying to figure out what the fuck “end to end solutions” means. But almost every spammer claims to offer this beautiful “end to end solution.”

As far as I know, end to end means two objects are touching each other. I guess these guys are willing to touch you wherever you like if you buy their shitty service. I’ll have to research what that shit means.

Anyway, I digress. I’m sure you’re wondering what any of this shit has to do with logos. I’m coming to that.

So all these punks who want to have their own “startup” mostly end up wanting to copy some existing business which has recently been funded. Obviously, their first step is to get a logo and a website.

What I describe next is a typical exchange between the man who thinks he’s setting up the next unicorn and a bunch of guys who thinks they’re artists/creative thinkers/designers all because they have a computer and they’ve watched some Photoshop tutorials on YouTube.


Mr. Unicorn: I want a logo. My maximum budget is Rs. 500.

Spammer with nothing to lose #1: Dear Sir. I provide end to end logo solutions. I can do logo in best price. PM me.

Mr. Unicorn: PM sent. Check your messages.

Spammer with nothing to lose #2: I has 7 years of experience designing logos. WhatsApp me on ……..

Man with a computer who thinks he’s an artist #1: Admin should ban such kind of posts. This is degrading the value of an artist.

Man who thinks logos are what make or break you #1: Have some shame. A logo is your brand identity. You won’t get anything in 500. These people should be reported.

Man with a computer who thinks he’s an artist #2: You won’t even get a logo on MS Paint. Please respect artists.

Spammer with nothing to lose #3: I can make a logo for you in 200. Contact me.

Man who realises that his choice of profession was not well thought out: These posts should not be allowed. This is an exploitation of designers.

Spammer who wants to portray that he’s an accomplished designer: The guys who are offering to design logos for so cheap are spoiling the entire market. Have some value for your hard work and your profession.


This pointless banter continues over hundreds of comments. If I had to guess, the so-called artist spend at least a couple of hours commenting back and forth on these posts.

If I were in their place, I would have just whipped out a quick, logo and had some beer money instead of wasting 2 hours commenting on Facebook. But that’s just me. I’m pragmatic. I’m not a creative thinker like them so what do I know.

It’d take about ten minutes to make a quick logo based on a template (you fuckers know the templates I’m talking about). I don’t see what’s wrong in getting 500 bucks for 10 minutes of work. It’s 3000 bucks an hour which more than they make anyway. Once again, I’m just thinking logically. What do I know!

Why You Shouldn’t Waste Money on a Logo

I’m going to prove to you that wasting cash on a logo just doesn’t make sense. If you’re wondering where I got the $6 figure for the post title, it’s how much you’ll pay for a logo on Fiverr. It’s 6 bucks to get a logo including the Fiverr buyer fee. I would recommend heading to Logo Pond to get some inspiration before you place an order. If you can articulate what you want well, you can get a great logo on Fiverr.

Most designers want you to believe that your logo is a representation of your business, the values your company believes in, your mission statement, the day you lost your virginity, the day you had your first child and a bunch of other vital business and life events.

This, of course, is when they’re not trying to convince you that your logo transcends all communication barriers like language, race, cultural differences, disabilities and lack of attention.

Pop Quiz For The Designers: How many of you can explain why the Dell logo has a slanting E without looking it up? The fuckers who designed it thought that it’s a creative masterpiece and charged a shitload for it. I’m sure the only people who got it was them and the people they explained it to.

But you guys think you’ll know branding and understand the nuances of design. I’m sure you’ll know the answer.

The Big Guys Have Shit Logos

This is what the designers are thinking after reading the heading:

But how is that possible? This person is not well informed. Amazon and FedEx have arrows in their logos. Thats a stroke of birlliance.

Let me help you out. Nobody gives a shit about those fucking arrows. Most people don’t even notice them. The only time people know about them is when they read the shitty posts about amazing logo design examples. Some of the logos on Logo Pond are a hundred times better than the logos Amazon and FedEx have.

Although the focus of this post is mostly for the “startups” in India, I’m going to first use companies from the US as examples. This is because the companies in India copy the companies in the US anyway. The only difference is that they’re 30 years behind in everything. Due to the total lack of innovation in India, this is a safe assumption, and the trend is likely to continue.

These are the logos of the top 5 companies in the US by market cap.

Apple

I love Apple. I have almost every product they’ve made. Their logo, however, is that of an apple. It doesn’t reflect their business in any way. Based only on the logo, a person who’s been living under a rock and doesn’t know what Apple sells would assume that it’s a fruit company. Maybe they have a few orchards.

So much for conveying your products and what you stand for using your logo. Also even though they had the same logo (well almost) since inception, they were almost bankrupt at one point.

Quick question for designers. If I create a logo of a semi-eaten guava and call my company guava, will I also be as successful as Apple?

Alphabet

For the uninitiated, Alphabet is the parent company of Google and also the second largest (sometimes first) company in the world.

The logo is made using the Product Sans Font. Some motherfucker recently told me that I don’t know what I’m talking about and a logo like that is called a minimalist typeface. Well, it’s a fucking font.

Call it whatever you like. You don’t need to spend thousands to get a motherfucking minimalist typeface.

Microsoft

I have no clue what the fuck the 4 squares mean. Does it seem like it’s an expensively created logo or a work of art? I think not.

Besides the fact that Steve Balmer is an idiot, Microsoft seems to be doing alright for themselves even with this logo that could have easily made on Fiverr.

Berkshire Hathaway

Another minimalist type-face highly conceptualised logo. Ya Right! I guess one of the smartest and richest men alive needs to be educated about having a logo that portrays your brand identity.

Facebook

Wow! A white F on a blue background. That’s so inspired. I’m sure that’s the only reason they have billions on users on their platform. Looking at the logo immediately tells me what the company stands for and what their business is. It immediately conveys to me that they’re a social network.

I could go on with more examples but I’m a lazy guy, and I think I’ve made my point. Of course, the designers will have their arguments as to why these logos are indeed awesome, but as you can imagine, they’re full of shit.

P.S. I have nothing against designers. I just hate it when they talk about how important a logo is when clearly, IT IS NOT.

That said, if a designer can get a fool to part with thousands of dollars for a logo, I’m super happy for him, and he’s like a mentor to me. I would totally love to get rich by ripping off stupid people.

Fun Fact: Twitter paid only $15 for its original logo through a crowdsourced campaign. The designer got paid only $6 for his work.

The Indian Context

As expected, the state of logo designs is the same in the top companies in India. They’re all shit. But that hasn’t stopped them from becoming the top companies in India.

Here are the beautiful logos of the top 5 companies in India by market cap.

TCS

Does this logo convey that it’s a software company from any angle? Even though it doesn’t, it’s one of the biggest software companies in the world. It’s a shit logo in my opinion, and it’s got some nasty 60’s looking text but hey, who gives a shit.

Reliance Industries

These fucks didn’t even change the default font in Word. It’s so pathetic that I don’t have words to describe how shitty it is. But I’m sure the logo is the only reason why they’re so huge. Maybe there are some nuances I can’t understand because I’m not a creative thinker. I’m sure there’s a term for this style of logo. I’d love to find out what it is.

 

HDFC

A fucking square within another square with some gaps in the square. WTF.

ITC

I’m sure this beautiful pyramid or two flat sheets of paper (think 3D) written about ITC in a gross font is the only reason that ITC is now a conglomerate that has made billions in every industry from hotels to tobacco. I totally understand the complexity of all their businesses through this shitty logo.

ONGC

I’m totally lost. I have no idea what that fucking symbol has to do with either oil or natural gas. But hey, that’s not stopped them, has it?


Now I know what some of you are going to say. The Indian companies that I’ve mentioned are mostly B2B companies, and they don’t need great branding. Well, bullshit. I’m sure if any of these companies came to you for a redesign, you’d find 100 reasons to tell them why they need to revamp their logo and how you’re the perfect fit for them.

Since they’re huge, you’d also rip them off and charge them 1000 times more than you would charge a fucker a like me who has no money and no life. Still.

Here are the logos of 3 of my favorite retailers.

What’s so special about these logos? If they were written in a different font, would that make these companies less successful? Do consumers really care what font was used in the logo?

Anyway, you can have a look at the logos of the top companies after using whatever filters you like. You’ll see that most of them have logos that are nothing special and could have been designed by someone for $5 or $500.

For a company who’s just starting out, spending anything more than the bare minimum on a logo is just a waste of resources. Just use the money for marketing.

Head to Logo Pond and look at a couple of other logo design websites to find some inspiration and decide how you want your logo to look. Go to Fiverr, be as descriptive as you can, and I’m sure you’ll end up with a logo you can live with.

Now even though I’ve provided tons of proof, there’ll still be some designers or so-called creative thinkers who’ll say that I don’t understand branding or I don’t understand the importance of logos or some other shit like that. Well, Fuck You.

Most of these people just keep saying that I don’t understand shit rather than providing any proof or empirical data to support their bullshit beliefs. When that doesn’t work, they resort to personal attacks. That’s just petty and childish, and I just feel sorry for them.

Anyway, here are some $6 logos from Fiverr. I think they’re awesome for 6 bucks.

 

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